Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
