Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
