my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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