How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
