Jerry, you need to find god
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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