What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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