you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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