Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
