I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
