anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
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Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
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Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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