Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
