I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
