He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
