he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
