I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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