my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
