like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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