bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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