okay pat passed out under dana's car
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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