new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
