are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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