Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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