finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
