My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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