I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
