I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
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