am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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