I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock