i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?