She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?