is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.