In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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