something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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