community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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