the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
