is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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