She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
