Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
