That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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