I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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