So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this beer tastes like vomit already
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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