Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
