Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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