She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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