can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
