Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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