i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize