Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need moral support for this bender
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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