I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
