It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
