Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my poor anus
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
