where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
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I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
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That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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