explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
