so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
