who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
