i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
