It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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