I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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