all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
