If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
