i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
