Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
