Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't turn off my feet"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
