I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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